My Big Mouth

10 Wednesday Jun 2009

Posted by in About me

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I have to give you some more back story on me before I can really get into what God is doing right now in my life, just so it all makes sense. I like things in order…..

Anyway, Randy and I met in college at the Baptist Student Union group and fell in love. He was a Christian, and when we met all I could think was that there were Christian guys out there and this one was cute!!!! We dated a long time and married as soon as we graduated. We were pretty blessed then too. Kids started to come along in the prescribed three years or so. We continued to go to church where my dad was pastor by choice. It was a great gift to be involved with many of the same “extended family members” that I had always known, and to raise my kids in the same church their Grandparents attended. We were living what I thought was a Christ centered life. I was doing all the things I knew I was supposed to be doing. Going to church, being a mom, teaching Sunday school, working vacation Bible school etc.I remember being grateful for my “ordinary” life.

I was struck one day by what I think was a Sunday School lesson that talked about the Pharisees of the Old Testament and their inability to see themselves as sinful. I think the lesson talked about the number of Pharisees in the church today. (People that are Holier than Thou in their attitude and actions. People that see themselves as better than the poor sinner without recognizing that they still have sin in their own lives.) Anyway the reason I mention that is because it was a real gotcha moment in my life, or at least the start of one. I remember considering that question as I was driving east on 87th street parkway. I was just crossing Pflumn road (I think its significant that the woman who would forget her head if it wasn’t attached remembers all this) and I distinctly remember thinking that I wasn’t doing too badly in the sin department. But that if there was sin in my life would God please reveal it to me? Seriously as I read that now I realize what an idiot I was(am) God is good to answer prayer, especially that one and I was laid pretty flat in the next few years recognizing my own sinful nature. I got a well deserved whoopin’ from God on that. The log in my eye was very big. I was a Pharisee! It is so easy to judge others, as long as we don’t have to look at the same condition in ourselves. I really think that day was the start of my growing and grown up relationship with Jesus.

Isn’t it crazy that one conversation with God can impact you forever? It is kind of like praying the sinners prayer (I know I am a sinner and that without Jesus and His sacrificial death for me I have no hope)and really meaning it. When you honestly commit your life to Jesus there is no going back. You are whole-heartedly there with Jesus. When you ask God to reveal your sin to you , there is no going back. It’s there laid bare and you are unable to shove it back under the bed from which it was drug kicking and screaming.

About me

03 Wednesday Jun 2009

Posted by in About me

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I realize that I haven’t really shared my story on this Blog. I’ve thought about it a few times because I know a few people who read it don’t know the Jesus I know. I want to share that now. Not because I want to brag on the fabulous childhood I had or about how lucky I am, but because I want you to know who I really am. From the beginning to me now. Not because it’s ever about me, but because it’s always been about Jesus.

We are all products of our past. Sometimes those are good things and sometimes they aren’t. Why one child experiences the pain of abuse and another has loving parents I can’t explain. I know its not a condition of what each child is worth or how much they are loved by God, it’s a condition of the sinful society in which we live. I know if we were all judged on what we deserved we could never live up to the perfection that is God. That why He sent Jesus. So we would realize it’s not about what we do or who we are, but about what HE did.

My father was a pastor in a small Baptist church . My mom was a nurse who worked nights to help make ends meet. I grew up with little in the area of material things. My parents never had much before they got married, and supporting a family on the salary of a pastor isn’t exactly living high on the hog. But I had amazing parents who raised me to really know Jesus. He was evident in every part of their lives.They weren’t just good people either, they reflected the love of Jesus like he was a very part of who they were. My childhood in church was good too. I don’t have horror stories about my life as a pastor’s daughter. That certainly doesn’t mean it was all easy. We experienced everything that a normal family experiences, but with less money:) And the fishbowl was never too overwhelming for me. I can’t speak for my brothers on the issue, but for me church was just an extension of my life. I never felt like I wasn’t living normally.

The church was my second home. I had free reign of the building and considered every member there to be part of my extended family. I heard almost every sermon my Dad preached, and some of that information actually stuck in the space between my ears while I was drawing on my church bulletin! I made a conscious decision to follow Jesus when I was about 6. It had everything to do with the example my parents set for me. They didn’t make me think it would give me an automatic easy life pass, but their example showed me what Jesus’ love really looked like. When they invited strangers in to eat, or because they didn’t have a place to stay, or when they talked about people who had really done wrong to them with love. It really makes me aware of my role as a mom to my kids. Do I reflect love like that? (Probably not!)I think I experienced many blessings because of my parents faithfulness.

As I’ve grown I’ve seen good people who helped build the church and bad people who tried to tear it down. I been part of church growth and the pain of anger dividing. I don’t fool myself into thinking I’ve seen it all , I know I haven’t. But taking the good with the bad, my life has been blessed from the very beginning. I didn’t say lucky you notice. Not everything has always gone my way. I have experienced the very essence of who Jesus is by the outpouring of His Spirit on my heart, and that essence has flavored my life in such a way that every day is sweeter because He is in it.

My sweet sixteen year old!

01 Monday Jun 2009

Posted by in family

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I can hardly believe that sixteen years ago, almost this very minute I was in labor with Caleb. If he were in bed right now I would go wake him up and tell him seeing as he woke me up all those years ago:)But he is just now getting in the shower after having all his friends over for a night time game of hide and seek.
We have had an eventful year together as this was his first year of home school. There were certainly some growing moments (for both of us) but I was saying to Randy tonight while we watched him hang out with a fantastic group of friends. I think it was the best decision we have ever made for him.He has grown into a young man of whom I am very proud. He is smart and funny and above all else he has a heart that is seeking after his Father God. Love you sweetie!
And on a separate note I am going to commit whole hearted to blogging again next week. God has really been doing a great work in our lives. not as easy work, but a great one, and I want to share!!

04 Monday May 2009

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I can hardly believe it has been a whole month since I last posted anything. You know that either means its been a really boring time around our house so I have nothing to talk about, OR it’s been super crazy and I haven’t had time to think let alone write anything. Sadly it has been the latter and things are crazily rolling along.
Two weeks ago I took the first step in getting my Real Estate license and took a class to prepare me to take the exam. Saturday I passed the exam and next week I will take the follow up class. At that point all I have to do is get my paperwork back from the state and I will be an honest to goodness agent.
Randy has been out of work for the past couple of weeks and I needed to get a job. After much prayer and consideration this seemed to be the best option for a girl without too many marketable skills. (Sadly substituting won’t keep us in Cheerios very long.)
Please pray that Randy finds work soon. And I will try to keep up with the notifications:)

How Can I keep from Singing His Praise?

01 Wednesday Apr 2009

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The last couple of days I’ve been a little gray. Not just because the weather was dreary but just the circumstances of life right now. Silly I know but there you go:) So with a clean house (there are some benefits to having a house on the market) and a list of things to do like pay bills which was easy to avoid. I sat down with a book that I had just finished for a Bible study. To be completely honest I did a lot of skimming during the study because I let life get in the way. As I re-read the first two chapters I could just hear God saying that He loved me, over and over. How can I be gray inside with that knowledge? The authors words explain it best.

“I’m ashamed to say my heart sometimes listened to Satan’s siren song.The
words of doubt and notes of disillusionment echo the frustration and confusion I
feel inside. A counter melody to faith, the mournful tune arises during those
times when God neither acts the way I think He should nor loves me the way I
want to be loved. Like two songs being played in different keys, the dissonance
of what I feel clashes with what I know and threatens to drown out the anthem of God’s eternal love.”

Joanna Weaver (Having A Mary Heart in a Martha World)

That was exactly what I was feeling, full of pity for me and whiny about all the things I have to deal with. It was encouraging for me to be reminded again that I know God loves me. I got up feeling a little less than gray and walked out the door into a definitely gray and cold day (You other Kansans know what I’m talking about!). When I got in the car and turned on the radio Chris Tomlin’s song “How can I keep from singing” was on and that was it, my day was bright again even a little bit sunny inside. I posted the song on this page after some scrambling to figure out how, and it has kept me bright ever since.
I forget so easily that I am loved by the Creator, Redeemer, and Mighty God. I hope you can find some encouragement in that knowledge today. Enjoy the song!!

Change

16 Monday Mar 2009

Posted by in change, scrapbooking, scripture

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As you might notice the look of this blog has a tendency to change often. One reason is simply because there are so many cool things out there to use! Digital scrap booking is something I have no idea how to do but it looks so cool! And that is apparently the basis for adding all the fun backgrounds on blogs or other web pages. My same ineptitude also applies to paper scrap booking . Last year Emma and I bought scrapbook materials and albums. We had a great time picking out the papers and all the good stuff that goes with it. But I have done nothing with them. I keep meaning to order picture prints, but I never get around to it. But this summer I will!
I took the verse listed as Romans 12:1 off the header for a couple of reasons. One was that it was not an actual translated verse of scripture it was simply a modern version. I struggle with that from a purist point of view. I really do want to know what God’s word intends to say, not man’s interpretation. But I likes the words in The Message that talked about what it really means to put feet to my faith. The actual going out and doing in my every day life what God requires of me as a believer. And since this blog isn’t intended to be a theological mecca I didn’t worry about the interpretation.
I like change for the most part. I enjoy doing things different. So here is notice that I will change the verse that goes with my blog from time to time. I might even change the background, maybe even before any of you read this! But the main focus of my ramblings won’t change. It is my intent to live my life as a doer of Gods word, not just a hearer. I pray that for all of us as believers. That we live our lives as an open Bible.

Shhhhh!

12 Thursday Mar 2009

Posted by in busy, homeschool

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I don’t know what to do with myself this morning! Caleb has gone to Bible study and the other two are at school. It’s been so long since I was alone in the house it feels weird.
So now I struggle with what to do. Clean the house or read a book? Hmmmmmm

Okay as I think of it the list expands. Grocery shopping needs to be done, and it’s nice to do that when Caleb isn’t here. Ethan has a play at school late this morning so I need to get ready to go to that. I need to spend my ECB’s at CVS. There is a book for Caleb’s studies this week that needs to be picked up at the library. I started the laundry last night and didn’t have a chance to finish, and the litter box is calling my name. Seriously.
What was I thinking!!
Gotta go:)

Planning

23 Monday Feb 2009

Posted by in Not about me, planning

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I have this tendency to plan way more than I should. Some of you will of course read this and laugh hysterically because Randy and I are not known to be planners. We are the fly by the seat of our pants people who might very well call to see if you want to go out to eat dinner AFTER you’ve eaten your dinner. But you just don’t know all the scenarios I run in my head every day. “If this happens then I might be able to do that and if that happens then the next step would obviously be…….” I hope you get my drift. Really I spend a lot of time planning things that never make it much past the thinking about it stage. Those stages can go on for days, my hopes rising because I pretty much have talked my self into a scenario that is certain to work. Then crashing hopelessly because really it was just a crazy idea anyway, and I had forgotten to run this little scenario past God. Now you friends are starting to recognize me:) I’ve learned not to say “I will never” but I’m still working on the planning part. Anyway I’m sure you are all better off with that little insight into the crazy thoughts that fill my head.
This really all does go together:)
I was reading in Psalms 16 this morning. A book sent me there. A character was stressing about something and someone mentioned Psalm 16 so I went to read it. I’m not sure what the application was for the person stressing, but the application for the person planning was obvious.

“Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot
secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have
a delightful inheritance.”
Psalm 16:5-6 (NIV)


I know God’s plans are better than my own. I don’t need to be convinced of that, look at these verses that talk about my inheritance! (Christ Jesus) But still I plan, and then have to really mean it when I say I want God’s plan not mine. I want the delightful inheritance He has planned for me not something I dream up on my own. Everything I have is because of the blessings God has bestowed on me, nothing comes through my planning. Today I caught myself early in the process. It was a gentle reminder from God again that it’s not about me. Who knew I was so self centered?! (Don’t answer that) I love that the inheritance he has planned is much better than my convoluted mind can conjure. I know the boundaries He has established are broader than those I would establish for myself. He stretches me. And you know what? this old stiff unbending body is learning to be pliable!

Valentines

10 Tuesday Feb 2009

Posted by in Marriage

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We have never been big celebrators ( is that a word?) of Valentines Day. Its not that I don’t appreciate romantic gestures, but I would love flowers any day of the year other than on the one day when they cost at least twice as much as other days! A friend posted on her blog this morning all the things that she loved about her husband, and they were ordinary things. It made me think of all the times Randy has shown love to me by doing things that are everyday type things. I have to say the days he willingly cleans the toilet just because it needs to be cleaned. Those are the days I know he loves me.

On one Sunday recently at church we had a speaker in to talk about marriage. Honestly at the time I thought I was just going to hear someone talk about all the things that I already know and have heard about what the Bible says about marriage. (Not that I had a bad attitude about it. I love it when speakers tell me all the things I’m already doing right!) After 23 years together I was sure I knew my husband pretty well, so when the speaker gave out a list for us to circle the things our spouse needed to feel loved, I was pretty confident that I circled the right items. I was suprised when I snuck a peek and saw that I missed one. I didn’t mean to be smug in my assumptions about my husband I really just thought I knew him completely, almost as well as he knew himself. Back when we first started dating I wanted to know everything. Where each little scar came from, why he didn’t like coconut,(even though it was in his favorite cookies)what his favorite teams were. After all these years I thought I had asked all the questions, and had answers for each one.When I found out I didn’t, I had to change some things I was doing at home. It was good for me to realize was that I can’t ever stop getting to know my spouse. Kind of like when they say never stop dating your wife, women never think you have your husband all figured out! Maybe somethings have changed, maybe we just skipped a question all those years ago,or maybe we’ve just (gasp!) forgotten.I guess that’s why we should celebrate Valentines Day, maybe it can jolt us out of the rut we inevitabley fall into with the ones we love the most.